Day 24, according to Lauren.

  
When we had initially checked into JP, mum (the main hostel worker who we’d built a friendly relationship with by now) had given us a few leaflets about tours to consider. There was a “7 island sunset tour” which looked great but they were charging something ridiculous for it so we decided against it. A couple of days later we saw another travel agent offering the same tour and managed to get it for half the price that JP was asking, so we went for it (feeling slightly guilty for cheating on mum).

So, we had a lazy morning since our pick up was only at 12, and then headed down when it was time. Mum was in the routine by now of asking us where we were going each day so we agreed to try not to engage in too much conversation with her for fear that we’d break her heart when she found out we didn’t book through her. Confrontation avoided, we got into our transport and headed for the pier, collecting more tourists on the way. Majority German, obviously. We checked in and then headed down to the end of the pier to await our boat.

  
We played ‘guess the nationality’ to pass the time and were embarrassed by the English representation – overweight, red-faced, inappropriately tightly-clothed dinner lady types with overly gelled hair and neon tallons. Luckily they ended up being on a different tour and ours was mostly Asians, Indians and Germans. There were so many interesting characters so we (people watchers that we are) were having a ball watching everyone. Two Malaysian guys, one with an impressive looking canon camera around his neck, the other with perfectly straightened shoulder length hair held back in an Alice band, were particularly entertaining. One of them would sit or stand somewhere and take an ‘au natural’ pose – head on hand looking longingly into the distance kind of thing, while the other one snapped and snapped from a couple of metres away until he got the perfect shot. We watched and giggled and Sarah decided she would befriend them purely for the jokes, a decision she would later regret. 

  

We finally boarded the boat and the banterous Thai guide took us through the day’s itinerary. As we set sail, a (perhaps overly-) friendly Indian man asked if he could sit on the end of the bench next to Sarah where there was about half a seat of space available. Lucky her. She politely squeezed up next to me to make room for him and that was that. Then he started talking. We engaged in a bit of small talk and it became clear that he didn’t know how to swim, so Sarah jokingly offered our services to teach him. All the while in the background the Malaysian posers were doing their thing, this time on the outside deck, with a melancholy looking out to sea pose.

We arrived at our first stop for some snorkelling. We got out our snorkels and were struggling to tighten them on our faces when the banterous guide came and helped us. He seemed particularly concerned for Sarah’s welfare, and I suspected another ‘you’ scenario may be about to present itself. Snorkels at the ready, we hopped into the water and explored the reef

  
There were some nice fish but the visibility was pretty poor, so we got back on the boat after 15 minutes or so. We bumped into the Indian man again and luckily he had decided against donning a life jacket and attempting to swim, so we were off the hook.

On to our next stop; Chicken Island, so called because from some angles it bears a vague resemblance to a chicken (bit of a long shot there).

  
The boat pulled up and again we got our snorkels ready. This time there was space to jump off the side from the upper deck, so I did so while Sarah filmed and then gracefully took the steps from the bottom deck. We explored the water and again saw some great fish, and this time I spotted a couple of Nemos (clown fish) dancing around in their Anenome home. Sarah got some GoPro shots and then we got back on the boat.

  
The next snorkelling spot had some more lovely fish. I went off exploring and suddenly one of the Thai guides who was snorkelling too motioned for me to come and see something in the water. He pointed under the water to where a black and white stripey sea snake was slithering across the coral just a metre or so away from us. He grabbed my arm and pulled us away from it as it got closer. It disappeared into the distance and as we emerged, I asked “was it dangerous?” “Haha, yes!” he replied. Near death experience, tick. I headed back to find Sarah and a couple of minutes later the same guide motioned again for us to come over. He pointed down into the water where some more clown fish were frolicking in their Anenome. “Be careful, be careful” he said to me – we were close to the coral and my legs were floating down towards it where there were black spindly fierce looking sea erchins (if you stand on them their spines break off and remain in your skin – eek). I corrected myself and then swam to safety after admiring the Nemos once again. 

After that we were being called back onto the boat to continue our tour. We climbed aboard and, as we hadn’t had lunch, were feeling a bit peckish. We decided that it was about time we embraced the local beverage, Chang beer. We purchased our Changs and some biscuits and on our way back to put our our money away, were approached by the two Malaysian posers who oddly requested to have a photo with us. We giggled awkwardly and then stood for our photo after realising they were serious. Sarah exchanged Facebook details so they could send us the photo and we politely excused ourselves to go and catch some sun on front deck.

  
As we passed the cabin we spied some inviting fresh watermelon and pineapple laid out. We cheekily asked if we could have some and a kind English man, Joe, said it was normally passed around later but we could help ourselves now. He turned out to be the boss and we had a great little chat with him. He even let Sarah drive the boat for a bit, much to the amusement of the Thai crew. 
  

 We then arrived at our next stop; Phallic Island, as we named it (can’t remember it’s official title).  
 
As we were waiting for the longboat transfer to the shore, Joe told us we should go and look in the cave as there was a surprise in there. We made a friendly bet with him and some other English guys about what was in there. I boldly suggested that the cave would have wooden phallic carvings, as I vaguely remembered reading something of the sort in the lonely planet guide book. Everyone had a little chuckle at my outlandish suggestion and we hopped on the boat (Changs in hand) and headed for the beach. It was a gorgeous beach with white sand and just one restaurant along the back. It was surrounded by the huge limestone cliffs that are typical of the beaches around there. Still so stunning even if we had grown accustomed to them by now.

  
We spotted the cave on one side and so headed over to investigate the surprise. On our way we passed a guy on the same boat tour as us who shot Sarah a creepy wink as we went by. We had previously seen him talking (and winking) to everyone and anyone on the boat but had so far dodged his path. Sure enough, as we approached the cave we could see a load of wooden penis shapes all stacked up with insence and floral offerings in front. The story was that a princess had visited the cave and it had become customary to leave phallic shaped carvings for good luck, or fertility, or something along those lines.

   

We took a few photos and then headed to the other side of the beach to perch our bums on the sand in time for the sunset.

  
On the way we found a long tail boat cafe (much to Sarah’s delight as the Chang had made her even more hungry) and ordered a banana chocolate pancake for Sarah and a strawberry cornetto for me. The Malaysian posers popped up behind us and offered us a Chang as they were getting one. We politely declined (one Chang was enough – as they had bizarrely proclaimed to us earlier in the day when they saw us with ours) and snuck off so we didn’t have to make more awkward conversation. We chose a spot to sit down and sure enough the Malaysian posers sat uncomfortably close to us but strangely didn’t attempt any conversation. However we were grateful for this because the past few times they had spoken, it was in limited broken English that left us looking bemused as we tried to figure out what they were trying to get at.

  
We avoided eye contact and enjoyed the beautiful sunset over the sea. We snapped a few photos but mostly watched as others down by the water attempted all kinds of selfies for around half an hour, all trying to get the most perfect jumping up towards-, meditating in front of-, cupping in hand- sunset shot. Oddly enough the Malaysian posers with the impressive camera laid on the sand with their eyes closed, not even attempting any nice photos of the most photo-worthy part of the day.

  

After the sun had set, Joe strolled by us and dropped some barbecued corn on the cobs into our laps. He had told us how amazing these were earlier and so spontaneously bought us some – how kind.

  

  
They were indeed as delicious as he claimed so we munched away, and soon enough it was time to get back on the boat for the barbecue dinner. We were just getting up to go when the two Malaysians stopped us and decided it was time for another photo. This time the one with the shoulder length princess hair popped his arms around us and we all posed while the other one snapped. 

  Some more broken English and awkward giggling ensued and then we managed to escape and head for the boat. We were walking across the beach when I spotted the Indian chatterbox diagonally in front of us. He seemed to be slowing down in a “subtle” attempt to catch up with us. I told Sarah to hang back a bit because I couldn’t handle any more interrogation about where we were staying, how the night life was around where we were staying, or what we were up to tomorrow. We managed to dodge that bullet and got onto the long boat to be transferred back to the big boat. We hopped on board and made our way upstairs to the top deck where there was food laid out; rice, chicken & veg curry, a cabbage dish and chicken kebabs smothered in ketchup. I was already full from the ice cream and sweetcorn on the beach so opted for a little bit of everything, just without rice. Each Thai person who spotted my lack of rice was shocked and flabbergasted and thought I must be mistaken! Sarah was quite full too so nibbled on some rice and sauce. The Indian chatterbox sat down next to Sarah and continued to make conversation about the night life and what we were up to after the boat tour. After a little while she escaped to the toilet and so I was left with him. He had quite clearly come on the tour with a group of his friends and he occasionally checked back in with them, but seemed strangely intent on becoming our best buddy and didn’t pick up on any kind of hints that we wanted to be left alone. 

Sarah returned and after clearing our plates away it was time for the bio luminescent plankton. We had been excited about this all day, having heard about it in Lanta but never getting round to seeing it. The guide instructed us on how the process was going to happen. We had to enter the water one by one and hold onto a rope stretched out the back of the boat. They would then turn off all the lights on the boat and we should stick our heads under and wave our other hand about in front of us. Simple. We donned our snorkels and did as we were told. It was pitch black sky by now and once in the water, the light from the boat didn’t do much in the way of helping us see. Lots of people with snorkels on trying to hold one rope while treading water in the dark = chaos! Once everyone was in, they turned the lights off and we stuck our heads under. It was amazing! As soon as we moved a hand or a limb under the water, the plankton would light up all around us, creating an outline of whatever was moving. It was kind of like tiny white sparks flying out of our hands under water. Unfortunately no pics as apparently they don’t show up on camera, just to the naked eye. After lots of thrashing about and bashing each other with flailing limbs, the lights were turned back on and it was time to get back on the boat. We dried off and the boat headed back to the pier where we started. Sarah wanted to grab a water for the journey home so she went over to the cool box and on her way back, was intercepted by the Malaysian posers who asked her every question under the sun about where we were from, where we were going etc. We arrived at the pier and I made a quick escape, keeping my head down – I was knackered from the day and didn’t fancy engaging in any more small talk so left Sarah to it. I waited for her on the pier and she eventually rocked up looking thankful to be free of all her followers. As we were making our way back down the pier the banterous Thai guide drew our attention to the horizon where the moon was just rising up and glowing a bright orangey red. We appreciated the beauty and then followed everyone down the pier to the boat tour offices with the promise of some kind of fire show. We watched on as the banterous Thai guide did some impressive flinging around of fire sticks and ropes – a great end to the day. We hopped on our transport and were dropped back at JP. Mum greeted us and as expected asked where we had been, looking at her watch, concerned as it was so late and she hadn’t seen us all day. We briefly explained what we had been up to and went up to bed.